The Downside Of Being There For Your Kids Too Much

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People say that parents experience love at first sight all over again the first time they meet every child they produce. Some folks are afraid that they will not be able to give as much love to the second- or third-born as they have given to the firstborn, but that’s not true. It is only as if the more kids you have, the more your heart becomes fuller. This is the reason why a lot of moms and dads want to become hands-on parents.

Over the years, though, I have realized that there are a couple of downsides to being there for your children too much.

They Become Extremely Dependent On You

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We have a family friend who doted so much on her only daughter. When she was having a hard time with maths at school, they got her a private tutor. Since the girl said she gets tired after walking for five minutes to school, her parents would drive her there. At home, they would not assign chores to her — not even fixing her bed in the morning — because they wanted her to keep on studying. This routine went on until the daughter had to go to another state to attend a university there. That’s when my friend saw the fault in their parenting style.

Of course, whether you stay in the dormitory or have an apartment of your own, you have to clean after yourself. The girl, however, did not know how to do the laundry, fold her clothes, cook simple dishes, or even use a vacuum cleaner. Her place became too messy, and she begged for her parents to come to help her tidy things up. Since it was their doing, though, the mom and dad had no choice but to do that.

You Can’t Take A Break Even When The Kids Are Older

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Overly loved kids are not used to making decisions for themselves. They grew up with the idea that mommy or daddy would know what’s best for them. They perhaps allowed their parents to decide for everything, from what sports to play to what field of study to focus on. When the time comes that they want to stand on their own, because of that, things can get whacky.

The same girl in the example above insisted that she could make decisions for herself after graduating from the university. She worked at a hotel for a year, and then she told her parents that her job’s too complicated and that she wants to find a new one. Hearing that their child is having a hard time, the mom and dad agreed to foot her bills at the apartment while she is looking for another job. One year after being at the new workplace, she said that her dream was to become a flight attendant. Despite being in the workforce for a couple of years, though, she did not think of saving money, she practically obliged her parents to support her financially again. If this job doesn’t stick still, there’s no doubt that the girl would pull the same trick, and her parents will never be able to take a break.

Final Thoughts

I know it is not easy to see your kids failing or getting hurt. However, loving them too much increases your chances of raising spoiled brats. As you have already seen in the movies and TV shows, no one appreciates overprivileged individuals. You don’t want your children to end up being hated by their colleagues in the future, do you? Hence, you need to show a bit of tough love and let your children do things for themselves before it’s too late.

5 Things To Realize About OCD

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Telling people that you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can imaginably be difficult. Some people may doubt if you are making up your condition, which is something that a lot of millennials get accused of nowadays. Others say, “At least it is not depression or anorexia or autism.” Yes, there can be discrimination when it comes to mental health disorders as well.

It would be a blatant lie to claim that it is not bothersome at all.  You are not a saint; you can be sad or feel upset towards the individuals who are trying to invalidate your illness. However, you should not be surprised as well if that’s what’s happening. Even in the past, the people who come out with rare psychological conditions end up in asylums. Being born in the 21st century is one thing you should be glad about because everyone is more accepting than ever towards folks with mental disorders.

Nevertheless, it is too evident that there’s so much that people do not understand about psychological conditions, particularly obsessive-compulsive disorder. In hopes of reducing the confusion about it, here are five things you should realize regarding OCD.

1. It Is Somehow Connected To Anxiety

You can think of the actions of a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder as a set of routine. For instance, if they have to go to the bathroom at precisely 8:30 AM and be out of the house after an hour, both activities have to happen at those specific times. If a minute or two passes, and they still cannot do either, that is when an anxiety attack comes. They start worrying about their body, work, traffic, and everything else.

2. OCD Is Difficult To Overcome

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Someone with OCD may try to break their routines, but it will undoubtedly be tough. Their mind and body are programmed to do the same things on time. Even if they no longer want to do it, they cannot control their movements. Many patients sign up for therapy to get rid of the disorder, but they tend to find that the coping mechanisms only work during the sessions. Once treatment is over, they unintentionally slide back to old habits.

3. People Think It’s An Imagination Disorder 

Some individuals say that obsessive-compulsive disorder is more of an imagination disorder. After all, the mind is in control of everything we do. If it means that you should organize everything, you cannot disagree with it — you have to do it. Still, over time, you will get used to knowing what’s real and what’s a product of your imagination.

4. Doubt Worsens Everything

OCD patients are extremely unsure of themselves, in the sense that they keep on doing the same things because they have second thoughts about what will happen if they don’t do that. Hence, the doubt that they feel causes them to become obsessive with specific activities.

5. Only You Can Help Yourself

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As mentioned above, therapy is not a sure way to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder. A lot of individuals have done it, but not all of them have come out with fewer symptoms than ever. That should tell you that OCD, in this case, is no different from depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. None of the treatments will work unless you focus on helping yourself, not letting others help you.

 

Let’s be kind to one another, why don’t we? OCD is a real psychological condition — no one with this illness should feel invalidated merely because it is not as common as the other diseases.

Therapist’s Advice In Helping Someone With Mental Illness

Mental illness is a condition that affects your life. It is one of the reasons why you tend to feel different most of the times. It is very complicated even to understand it as a whole. There are moments that no one can create an apparent assumption as to what is happening to you. With that, people, such as friends and family, try and do their best to make you feel better. But what if the situation is different? What if instead of you experiencing a psychological problem, someone dear to you gets to suffer from it? Will you be able to know what to do to assist them? Here is some of a therapist’s advice in helping those people in your life with mental health issues.

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Just Be A Good Friend

It doesn’t matter whether it is a close friend, relatives, or co-worker. Being a friend to these people in times of need is exceptional. By calling, texting, and checking they if they are okay will mean so much to them. You don’t necessarily have to do anything extreme or overboard only to let them know you care. You don’t need to remind them to take their medicines and attend their therapy session. Of course, they already know that. You don’t have to force your loved ones to do anything to allow themselves to feel better. A simple way of showing that your friends and family can count on you is more than enough. In some cases, just being there and listening to what they want to say means everything.

Let Them Feel Comfortable

You see, one of the biggest mistakes you may unnoticingly do when trying to help someone with mental illness is trying to assist them without their consent. Yes, you are concerned, and perhaps you want to do something to make them feel better. But if they are not asking and unwilling, it may create a gap. Understandably, your intentions are good, but that will not secure a healthy communication. Instead of being pushy, allow these people to feel comfortable with you. Give them time to open things up. Because even if you think they are stubborn and unwilling to get better, eventually they will crack and will need your help.

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Never Assume

It is vital to remember that every individual’s mental condition is different, and so as their needs. You cannot apply the same rule and method from one person to another. Everybody needs different attention, care, and assistance. Everyone experience various depressive symptoms. Some may get super irritable, and some feel exhausted and sluggish. Just do your best to understand what they are going through. But if the situation is still challenging, learn to ask politely. Never assume that you know how these people feel so you won’t make a couple of wrong decision in trying to help them. Because you will never know what they are going through unless things are well-explained.

Educate Yourself   

When family or friends are going through depression, expect that their behavior is something you might be able to handle. That is because their way of thinking will more likely become different from the usual. You might complain and say that “they’re not the same person anymore.” But instead of thinking that way, you need to educate yourself about their condition. Avoid judging their actions just because you don’t find them responding to you. Know how they feel, and find out what makes them sad, angry, irritable, or whatever emotions they may have. That way, you can make the right adjustments that both you and your loved ones need.

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Help As Much As You Can

There are endless ways to help someone with mental health. There is no specific thing to do, aside from understanding the situation. Because when you know the right words to say, these people can feel comfortable.  When you educate yourself with different mental illnesses, you can identify the symptoms quickly. And when you do not assume to know how people think, you can be a great asset in for their recovery path. Every little thing you will do will become valued and appreciated. But always be mindful not to allow yourself become unprepared. You need to get ready for the emotional and mental altercation you might experience as well.

Your role as a friend, co-worker, and a family member means so much to those people who are mentally and emotionally unstable. So always make sure you give your best in helping them in whatever circumstances there may be.

Signs You Have Anorexia According To Psychologists

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Earlier symptoms of anorexia nervosa can be mistaken for regular dieting; the only difference is the person starts to become preoccupied or somewhat obsessive with food and dieting that it consumes their entire life and may disrupt relationships, careers, self-image, etc. Psychologists site that anorexia nervosa is common in most women and can be easy to conceal from other people. If you feel that you or someone you know is overwhelmed by their body image, and are becoming quite obsessive towards eating and weight loss, here are the mental, behavioral and physical signs you may have anorexia.

Mental And Behavioural Signs Of Anorexia

  • Frequent skipping of meals
  • Obsession with weight on the scale
  • Avoiding eating out with friends/relatives
  • Adopting certain eating rituals, such as slicing food into smaller portions/pieces or spitting food out after chewing
  • Not admitting to hunger
  • Fasting for multiple hours on end
  • Exercising tirelessly even without having eaten anything
  • Lack of energy
  • Lack of emotion
  • Weighing yourself repeatedly
  • Always check the mirror for flaws, usually after eating
  • Counting calories
  • Intense fear of gaining weight
  • Using natural or chemical laxatives
  • Use of Dietary supplements
  • Use of non-prescription drugs that are said to cause weight loss (Marijuana, Cocaine, Heroine, etc.)
  • Smoking
  • Consuming appetite suppressants

Anorexia occurs when an individual becomes obsessed with their weight, particularly losing it, and developing a fear of gaining more. The eating disorder may develop commonly through life experience related problems, genetic inheritance, or the general pressure society weighs on the idea of being “skinny” and losing weight. It also develops more within young women in their adolescent years.

Anorexia can be recognized with two inter-related patterns:

  • The refusal to maintain healthy body weight or BMI for a man/woman, mainly wanting to be underweight
  • Incredibly distorted self-image (Body dysmorphia) and settling with the idea that the individual is overweight even when he/she is not.

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Physical Symptoms Of Anorexia

  • Fatigue
  • Dizziness
  • Seizures
  • Weak nails
  • Irregular heartbeat
  • Dry/pale skin
  • Gets cold easily
  • Drastic weight loss
  • Irregular or loss of menstruation
  • Thinning hair
  • Dehydration

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Anorexia occurs when an individual starts to go through extreme measures to restrict eating and lose weight drastically. Most individuals with anorexia nervosa also exercise excessively even while fasting. Anorexia is a mental illness that can push an individual to starve up until he/she is severely underweight, and even then this person can still perceive themselves as overweight.

Experts mostly associate anorexia nervosa with excessive dieting and the stereotype that someone who has anorexia is automatically skinny. Anorexia is much more than disordered eating patterns; it is a severe mental illness that takes a heavy toll towards someone’s mental health and self-image. Signs of the eating disorder can be actions of coping with stressful life experiences and an obsession with being physically “perfect.” Therefore the illness can come in any shape or form and can affect each person differently.

Many other mental disorders may accompany anorexia nervosa (Co-occurring disorders) such as:

  • Alcoholism
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorder
  • Bingeing
  • Purging

Most aren’t fully diagnosed with co-occurring disorders due to the difficulty in identifying such in each patient. Anorexia nervosa is a mental illness that has established itself as the voice in your head that tells you to stop eating. Over the years anorexics are a broad audience online through multiple websites and apps filled with people who help each other restrict and maintain food intake or weight. Most individuals with anorexia call the voice in their heads “Ana” and go on these “Pro-Ana” websites to live their lives trying to reach an unhealthy and unattainable body goal.

Effects Of Anorexia

  • Infertility
  • Brain damage
  • Heart attacks
  • Heart palpitations
  • The shutdown of major body systems
  • Death

Anorexia usually develops itself at an early age, as the youth are more prone to caving into superficial standards the media push onto young women and men every day. It is essential to recognize that anorexia does not have a particular body type, and can exist within different kinds of people in different ways.

Anorexia is a mental illness that convinces an individual that the body they are in is “too fat” even when the person is at an average weight. This mindset and assumption, therefore, pushes the body to severe and deadly limits to lose weight. If you or anyone you know, show or have any of the signs and symptoms, see, numbers on the scale does not define who you are. Do not be afraid to talk to someone or seek professional help.

When You’re Anxious And You Know It – What To Do

 

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When anxiety starts to creep in, you might feel baffled and unsure about what to do to make you feel better. Instead of finding ways to alleviate yourself from being anxious, you might even add more anxiety than what you already have. You’ll tend to over-concentrate get caught up with all the what-ifs inside your head. But what if you’re in the middle of a crowd that you’re just starting to know or you’re at a great party where you’re crush is standing a few feet apart from you? How do you tell yourself to calm down and get rid of the anxiety right here right now?

A lot of questions will run through your mind that will make your armpits sweat, and your eyes feel hot and watery. What if I look pale and creepy? Will my knees wiggle if I attempt to walk towards him?

Your mind and body will be loaded with all the negativity that you can think of at the moment, and if you don’t try to get rid of it, it’ll consume you, and you’ll feel worse than ever.

Fortunately, there are several strategies that you can do to handle anxiety effectively. These are a collection of ways that were gathered from experts and individuals who have claimed to find these strategies work for them.

Reducing Your Anxious Symptoms Right Now

  • Acknowledge That You’re Anxious. Anxiety is a feeling, just like any other emotion that you feel when you’re worried or scared of something or someone. You can simply accept it, and that is the first step to reducing the anxious feeling. It doesn’t mean that you give in to it. You just accept and believe that it is a tolerable feeling that you can overcome.
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  • Learn Deep Breathing. When you get the feeling that you’re anxious, take one deep breath, and then another, and another. Continue taking slow, deep breaths and notice how your heartbeat slows down and you feel calmer. The diaphragmatic breathing technique is very potent in reducing stress and anxiety, as it stimulates the body’s relaxation responses. The anxiety arises from the sympathetic nervous system and then goes to the parasympathetic nervous system by way of calming technique. You can try it by inhaling and counting 1 to 4, holding your breath for a few seconds, and then slowly breathing out to a count of 1 to 4.
  • Remember That Your Mind Is Tricking You. Psychiatrists are the professionals who can testify that a person’s brain can make you think that you are in the brink of death due to heart attack instead of just having a bout of panic attack. It’s because panic symptoms are similar to those having a heart attack. An experienced psychiatrist will comfort her patient and gently tell her that he is not dying and that her mind is only tricking her – that’s how powerful the mind can be. This almost always produces positive results, calming the patient and eliminating the panic attack. 
  • Create A Visualization That You Can Visit. Visualize yourself on a clean, flowing river or the clear blue sky. Then choose a favorite positive emotion that you can assign for each picture. Finally, just wait for the effect – the feeling of freedom from the anxiety and the happiness from the beautiful visions.
  • Try To Talk Positive Sense Into Yourself. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, saying something good to yourself. For instance, convince yourself that you can get rid of the debilitating feeling that’s tagging along with your life right at this moment. You can say, “I feel bad because of my anxiety, but I’ll overcome this after a few minutes. I am armed with effective strategies.” 
  • Concentrate On Doing Worthwhile Activities. When you have anxiety, think about doing an activity that is goal-directed and worth doing – activities that you would be doing when you are not anxious. If you were planning to watch a movie, go ahead. If you were about to do the laundry, do it still. Don’t sit around and nurture your anxiety. You’ll feel much better if you do things that will help you forget about your negative feelings – plus, you’ll get things done.
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Bottom Line

Anxiety is part of anyone’s life – whether you’re a kid or an adult. There’s always something to be worried or nervous about. But once you get to learn these simple yet effective strategies, you’ll cope better, and you’ll know how to get busy with promoting productivity and positivity.

 

 

 

 

 

Life With Reiki, Yoga, And Meditation – Enhanced Mental Health

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Laura Castro is a Reiki Master at Blue Osa at the Osa Peninsula, South of Costa Rica. In 1998, back when she was still a student at Gaia Institute and taking up her massage course, she was also introduced to Reiki, Yoga, and other meditation techniques to improve her skills and supposedly, her mental health. Laura was suffering from issues which required therapy but didn’t go to the treatment at that time.

She claimed that after her first Reiki session, there was a sense of calmness, her body was more relaxed, and she was in a better mood. And in 2001, after her graduation, she chooses to apply the Reiki technique because she loves how her hands would feel warm every time she channels out her energy. However, those times, she is still completely ambivalent as to how Reiki and yoga works and how it could change her life.

How Reiki Made Me Who I Am And Where I Ended Up!

When Laura was in her late twenties, she turned her back to yoga and Reiki as she followed what her heart dictates. But all did not go well while overseas, she broke off her engagement and went back to Costa Rica depressed and defeated. A year has passed, and she has not still gathered herself, feeling miserable and lost at the same time. And it was also then that she felt the urge to find the meaning and purpose of her life.

While searching for positive changes in her life, she remembered the experiences she had while doing Yoga and Reiki and that was when she also decided to go to the Osa Peninsula, specifically to Puerto Jiménez with the determination to deal with her life in the most positive way.

 

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Upon arriving at Golfo Dulce, she was welcomed by large red Macaws and the crystal green waters of the sea. She was stunned by the beauty of Osa and right then and there, she felt that her soul was summoned to the place.

In the early days of her stay at Osa, she began with her healing process doing yoga and Reiki. More so, she also started eating healthy and regularly. She would go hiking to a nearby forest with a bottle on hand and a full stomach, immersing into the beauty of nature while continuously doing breathing meditations and more importantly living the moment.

Through her daily rituals, she came to realize that over the past years with all the hardships, she has forgotten about herself. This realization was the start of the real healing process of Laura. She came to realize what was holding her back and making her miserable in life. It was also then that she stopped blaming other people for her misfortunes and started to take all the responsibilities of her actions.

She seriously changed how her outlook in life was. She stopped judging herself and started to change, heal and grow together with the “present.” She started to be more accepting, compassionate, forgiving, patient, and simple especially to herself. And this, according to her, was the first part Reiki changing her life.

 

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Over the years, Laura felt she was becoming more in tune with her old self, and when the second phase of the Reiki initiation was right in front of her, she was blown away with the experience which is far more different from the first phase.

Laura’s perception of the world has shifted positively. It was also then that she realized that everything around her is vibrating energies only at different frequencies. With all new learning about different Reiki symbols, she can now send Reiki to other people despite the distance.

She has found fulfillment in sharing with other people the opportunities that Life has given her using yoga and Reiki healing. Although she still believes that one is responsible for finding their path, Reiki can be a great tool to reach the emotional and psychological issues that are affecting the physical body.

After which, Laura continued to practice yoga and Reiki, read self-help books, and therapy. She found healing and inner growth especially with her Reiki sessions and yoga practices. Later on, she received her third Reiki level together with the master symbol. After all that she had gone through, she was now left with the choice whether to be a Reiki practitioner or to prepare herself for the final Reiki initiation to which she gladly chose the previous.

At present, Laura is now a Reiki Master and still residing at the Osa Peninsula. She works at Blue Osa as a Reiki healer, yoga instructor, and an integral masseuse.

According to her the changes in her life because of Reiki were intense. And to give back, she is happy to continuously spread the Light and help those who want healing change, spiritual awakening, and also spreading their light.

Reiki has changed her life, and that is the same reason why she is offering Reiki to others as among her treatment modalities.

Depression And Genetics: When It’s In The Family

 

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While your friend who’s going through a terrible divorce may feel a lot of devastating emotions that may stay for weeks or months, you may be sinking into a major depressive disorder – and family history may be able to explain why.

Perhaps your dad had it, or your sister, or your aunt. Seeing a family member go through depression can be really hard, but does it mean you, too, will suffer from it sooner or later?

Continue reading “Depression And Genetics: When It’s In The Family” »