The Downside Of Being There For Your Kids Too Much

the-downside-of-being-there-for-your-kids-too-much-1

Source: pixabay.com

People say that parents experience love at first sight all over again the first time they meet every child they produce. Some folks are afraid that they will not be able to give as much love to the second- or third-born as they have given to the firstborn, but that’s not true. It is only as if the more kids you have, the more your heart becomes fuller. This is the reason why a lot of moms and dads want to become hands-on parents.

Over the years, though, I have realized that there are a couple of downsides to being there for your children too much.

They Become Extremely Dependent On You

the-downside-of-being-there-for-your-kids-too-much-2

Source: pixabay.com

We have a family friend who doted so much on her only daughter. When she was having a hard time with maths at school, they got her a private tutor. Since the girl said she gets tired after walking for five minutes to school, her parents would drive her there. At home, they would not assign chores to her — not even fixing her bed in the morning — because they wanted her to keep on studying. This routine went on until the daughter had to go to another state to attend a university there. That’s when my friend saw the fault in their parenting style.

Of course, whether you stay in the dormitory or have an apartment of your own, you have to clean after yourself. The girl, however, did not know how to do the laundry, fold her clothes, cook simple dishes, or even use a vacuum cleaner. Her place became too messy, and she begged for her parents to come to help her tidy things up. Since it was their doing, though, the mom and dad had no choice but to do that.

You Can’t Take A Break Even When The Kids Are Older

the-downside-of-being-there-for-your-kids-too-much-3

Source: pixabay.com

Overly loved kids are not used to making decisions for themselves. They grew up with the idea that mommy or daddy would know what’s best for them. They perhaps allowed their parents to decide for everything, from what sports to play to what field of study to focus on. When the time comes that they want to stand on their own, because of that, things can get whacky.

The same girl in the example above insisted that she could make decisions for herself after graduating from the university. She worked at a hotel for a year, and then she told her parents that her job’s too complicated and that she wants to find a new one. Hearing that their child is having a hard time, the mom and dad agreed to foot her bills at the apartment while she is looking for another job. One year after being at the new workplace, she said that her dream was to become a flight attendant. Despite being in the workforce for a couple of years, though, she did not think of saving money, she practically obliged her parents to support her financially again. If this job doesn’t stick still, there’s no doubt that the girl would pull the same trick, and her parents will never be able to take a break.

Final Thoughts

I know it is not easy to see your kids failing or getting hurt. However, loving them too much increases your chances of raising spoiled brats. As you have already seen in the movies and TV shows, no one appreciates overprivileged individuals. You don’t want your children to end up being hated by their colleagues in the future, do you? Hence, you need to show a bit of tough love and let your children do things for themselves before it’s too late.

Therapist’s Advice In Helping Someone With Mental Illness

Mental illness is a condition that affects your life. It is one of the reasons why you tend to feel different most of the times. It is very complicated even to understand it as a whole. There are moments that no one can create an apparent assumption as to what is happening to you. With that, people, such as friends and family, try and do their best to make you feel better. But what if the situation is different? What if instead of you experiencing a psychological problem, someone dear to you gets to suffer from it? Will you be able to know what to do to assist them? Here is some of a therapist’s advice in helping those people in your life with mental health issues.

Source: media.defense.gov

Just Be A Good Friend

It doesn’t matter whether it is a close friend, relatives, or co-worker. Being a friend to these people in times of need is exceptional. By calling, texting, and checking they if they are okay will mean so much to them. You don’t necessarily have to do anything extreme or overboard only to let them know you care. You don’t need to remind them to take their medicines and attend their therapy session. Of course, they already know that. You don’t have to force your loved ones to do anything to allow themselves to feel better. A simple way of showing that your friends and family can count on you is more than enough. In some cases, just being there and listening to what they want to say means everything.

Let Them Feel Comfortable

You see, one of the biggest mistakes you may unnoticingly do when trying to help someone with mental illness is trying to assist them without their consent. Yes, you are concerned, and perhaps you want to do something to make them feel better. But if they are not asking and unwilling, it may create a gap. Understandably, your intentions are good, but that will not secure a healthy communication. Instead of being pushy, allow these people to feel comfortable with you. Give them time to open things up. Because even if you think they are stubborn and unwilling to get better, eventually they will crack and will need your help.

Source: publicdomainpictures.net

Never Assume

It is vital to remember that every individual’s mental condition is different, and so as their needs. You cannot apply the same rule and method from one person to another. Everybody needs different attention, care, and assistance. Everyone experience various depressive symptoms. Some may get super irritable, and some feel exhausted and sluggish. Just do your best to understand what they are going through. But if the situation is still challenging, learn to ask politely. Never assume that you know how these people feel so you won’t make a couple of wrong decision in trying to help them. Because you will never know what they are going through unless things are well-explained.

Educate Yourself   

When family or friends are going through depression, expect that their behavior is something you might be able to handle. That is because their way of thinking will more likely become different from the usual. You might complain and say that “they’re not the same person anymore.” But instead of thinking that way, you need to educate yourself about their condition. Avoid judging their actions just because you don’t find them responding to you. Know how they feel, and find out what makes them sad, angry, irritable, or whatever emotions they may have. That way, you can make the right adjustments that both you and your loved ones need.

Source: publicdomainpictures.net

Help As Much As You Can

There are endless ways to help someone with mental health. There is no specific thing to do, aside from understanding the situation. Because when you know the right words to say, these people can feel comfortable.  When you educate yourself with different mental illnesses, you can identify the symptoms quickly. And when you do not assume to know how people think, you can be a great asset in for their recovery path. Every little thing you will do will become valued and appreciated. But always be mindful not to allow yourself become unprepared. You need to get ready for the emotional and mental altercation you might experience as well.

Your role as a friend, co-worker, and a family member means so much to those people who are mentally and emotionally unstable. So always make sure you give your best in helping them in whatever circumstances there may be.

When You’re Anxious And You Know It – What To Do

 

Source: hcgdietstore.com 

When anxiety starts to creep in, you might feel baffled and unsure about what to do to make you feel better. Instead of finding ways to alleviate yourself from being anxious, you might even add more anxiety than what you already have. You’ll tend to over-concentrate get caught up with all the what-ifs inside your head. But what if you’re in the middle of a crowd that you’re just starting to know or you’re at a great party where you’re crush is standing a few feet apart from you? How do you tell yourself to calm down and get rid of the anxiety right here right now?

A lot of questions will run through your mind that will make your armpits sweat, and your eyes feel hot and watery. What if I look pale and creepy? Will my knees wiggle if I attempt to walk towards him?

Your mind and body will be loaded with all the negativity that you can think of at the moment, and if you don’t try to get rid of it, it’ll consume you, and you’ll feel worse than ever.

Fortunately, there are several strategies that you can do to handle anxiety effectively. These are a collection of ways that were gathered from experts and individuals who have claimed to find these strategies work for them.

Reducing Your Anxious Symptoms Right Now

  • Acknowledge That You’re Anxious. Anxiety is a feeling, just like any other emotion that you feel when you’re worried or scared of something or someone. You can simply accept it, and that is the first step to reducing the anxious feeling. It doesn’t mean that you give in to it. You just accept and believe that it is a tolerable feeling that you can overcome.
Source: today.com
  • Learn Deep Breathing. When you get the feeling that you’re anxious, take one deep breath, and then another, and another. Continue taking slow, deep breaths and notice how your heartbeat slows down and you feel calmer. The diaphragmatic breathing technique is very potent in reducing stress and anxiety, as it stimulates the body’s relaxation responses. The anxiety arises from the sympathetic nervous system and then goes to the parasympathetic nervous system by way of calming technique. You can try it by inhaling and counting 1 to 4, holding your breath for a few seconds, and then slowly breathing out to a count of 1 to 4.
  • Remember That Your Mind Is Tricking You. Psychiatrists are the professionals who can testify that a person’s brain can make you think that you are in the brink of death due to heart attack instead of just having a bout of panic attack. It’s because panic symptoms are similar to those having a heart attack. An experienced psychiatrist will comfort her patient and gently tell her that he is not dying and that her mind is only tricking her – that’s how powerful the mind can be. This almost always produces positive results, calming the patient and eliminating the panic attack. 
  • Create A Visualization That You Can Visit. Visualize yourself on a clean, flowing river or the clear blue sky. Then choose a favorite positive emotion that you can assign for each picture. Finally, just wait for the effect – the feeling of freedom from the anxiety and the happiness from the beautiful visions.
  • Try To Talk Positive Sense Into Yourself. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, saying something good to yourself. For instance, convince yourself that you can get rid of the debilitating feeling that’s tagging along with your life right at this moment. You can say, “I feel bad because of my anxiety, but I’ll overcome this after a few minutes. I am armed with effective strategies.” 
  • Concentrate On Doing Worthwhile Activities. When you have anxiety, think about doing an activity that is goal-directed and worth doing – activities that you would be doing when you are not anxious. If you were planning to watch a movie, go ahead. If you were about to do the laundry, do it still. Don’t sit around and nurture your anxiety. You’ll feel much better if you do things that will help you forget about your negative feelings – plus, you’ll get things done.
Source: xleventsblog.com

Bottom Line

Anxiety is part of anyone’s life – whether you’re a kid or an adult. There’s always something to be worried or nervous about. But once you get to learn these simple yet effective strategies, you’ll cope better, and you’ll know how to get busy with promoting productivity and positivity.

 

 

 

 

 

Depression And Genetics: When It’s In The Family

 

Source: pixabay.com

While your friend who’s going through a terrible divorce may feel a lot of devastating emotions that may stay for weeks or months, you may be sinking into a major depressive disorder – and family history may be able to explain why.

Perhaps your dad had it, or your sister, or your aunt. Seeing a family member go through depression can be really hard, but does it mean you, too, will suffer from it sooner or later?

Continue reading “Depression And Genetics: When It’s In The Family” »

Does Mental Illness Really Run In the Family?

I was very young when I first witnessed a cousin of mine having an episode of what I think was a neurosis.  He was tied in a bed and was struggling.  All I know at that time is that they can’t restrain him from aggressive outbursts.  His mom was crying, and grandma was taken aback by what was happening.

Source: maxpixel.net

That was not the first time actually, but that was the worst I have seen so far.  Years after, that cousin of mine committed suicide.  And he was not the only one in our family who did such.  Actually, my grandpa shot himself for reasons I don’t know.  My uncle (my dad’s bro) also took away his own life after his wife left him.

Now, that I’m experiencing some kind of depression, some curiosity arose in me.  Does mental illness run in our family?

 

Angry Outbursts

I first started to ask myself about it when my partner noticed how quickly I switch moods.  She wonders why I occasionally blow hot and cold.  Well, man can have his moods, too, but she sees mine as a bit exaggerated.  One moment, I’m so into this thing, and with reasons she doesn’t know, am not interested anymore.   If she insists, there goes my anger outbursts and aggressiveness.  And we will end up with a fight, sometimes serious, other times not quite.

 

Depression

source: pixabay.com

 

Then, I realized there are days when I would go into depression. Notably, at times when we didn’t end up on a good note, I would just stay in my room for days with the lights off.   I would avoid talking to friends and my parents.  I would refuse my parents even though I know they’re worried about me.  I was just there curled up in my bed, then would be down the floor, back to the bed again, then would stare out the window.  At times, I have these deep thoughts; other times, it seems I have nothing on my mind at all, just there thinking of nothing really.   But worse is when I would cry as I write notes on my walls, pages of notebooks, and even at the back of some photos.

 

I Shared My Thoughts Once, And It Made Me Wanna Kill Myself

I was confused.  I had a flashback as if I was seeing my cousin yelling with his angry outbursts, imagining how my grandfather and uncle took away their own lives.  Have they passed on that craziness on me?

“Oh, it’s in my genes.” (Sobbing)

I shared my feelings on social media, and all I got are upsetting words.  Not even one comment sympathize or seems affected by what I posted in there.

“Hey, people, feel like I wanna kill myself.”  And the voice in my mind is nagging me to do it, “NOW.”

What should I do?

 

source:  maxpixel.net

 

With the negative comments I received, I drank until I passed out.  I woke up in the hospital.  My mom was crying beside me.  My wrist still a bit hurting.  I wasn’t aware I almost killed myself after I took some Quaalude, which I was able to get online days before and cut my wrist in the bathroom.

 

My Fears Confirmed!?

It frightened me so much.  I was terrified realizing I could have it.  I saw a psychiatrist who doesn’t want to conclude if its hereditary.  According to him, there could be a number of reasons behind my acts, not just the genes.

He is also thinking that I might just be engrossed with the idea of mental illness being passed on to me because of the things I witnessed when I was young.  I need to go through tests, observations, and therapy sessions to make a final conclusion.  I was given meds to calm my nerves when I have attacks.

For now, I feel a bit lost, but I’m trying to find myself.  I was confused but trying to be strong.

7 Ways Of Managing Childhood Depression

Source: all4women.co.za

Depression comes as black clouds in the sky during childhood, the most beautiful season in our lives. Clinical depression makes a child gloomy, aloof and takes away his innocence and simplicity.

One of the major reasons for childhood depression is the persistent feeling of, as Betterhelp says,  “no one cares”. Feeling deprived, ignored or unheard can make any child morose and develop negative thoughts. Persistent feelings of sadness and grief interfere with the normal functioning of children, making them inactive, aloof and low all the time.

 

The Causes

Source: gazettereview.co

There are several reasons why depression triggers in childhood. Especially in these changing times, multiple issues contribute to a child’s unhappiness.

  • Broken homes, parental divorce/separation, loss of a parent.
  • Unhealthy competition with siblings, friends.
  • The Harsh behavior of parent/s.
  • Being a victim of trauma (natural disasters, wars, abuse, etc.)
  • Getting bullied (at school or home).

 

The warning signs

Source: rd.com
  • Feelings of sadness and hopelessness persisting for over 2 weeks
  • Lack of energy in playing or doing activities the child used to enjoy do
  • Significant changes in appetite and sleep
  • Vocal outbursts or crying (even in petty matters)
  • Physical ailments that are not responding to treatments (such as stomach aches, headaches, muscle cramps)
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt with impaired thinking or concentration and experiencing fatigue
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
  • Remarkable changes in all social activities like sports, studies, social interactions, etc..
  • Poor academic performance and complete loss of interest in studies/school.

 

7 ways of managing childhood depression

Source: news.uci.edu
  1. Talk to your child – Children often fail to identify the real cause of depression. They would just feel sad and don’t know why. Parents, teachers, siblings or caregivers can take the first step by helping the child talk about how he/she feels. Talking out also makes the child feel important and understood.
  2. Visit the pediatrician – Childhood depression often comes up with physical ailments that become the focus of concern instead. A full exam by the doctor helps let you know better about the health conditions of your child that can cause depression like symptoms.
  3. Consult a therapist – It is always good to consult a child psychiatrist or a therapist if the symptoms persist. A professional guidance ensures a better solution. Usually, for moderate to severe depression, the treatment involves Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Short-term Family Therapy, and Supportive Counselling.
  4. Be cautious about your child’s nutrition – Be vigilant about your child’s diet. Always ensure that your child is getting a balanced and healthy diet with all the essential nutrients. See that he/she gets the optimum amount of sleep. It is important that they get daily physical activity. These have many positive effects on mood and provides nourishment for a healthy mind and body.
  5. Enjoy time together – Go for a walk, play games (see suggested ps4 games for kids or other activities for both parent and child), cook, watch funny movies, make some art and craft items. These will gently encourage positive emotions and moods and overcome depressive moods.
  6. Act with patience and kindness – When suffering from depression, kids often act grumpy and irritating. Try to be as calm as you can and let the child feel safe. Using harsh words does the worse.
  7. Build a positive relationship – A positive relationship with parents, siblings, and friends helps strengthen a child’s resilience against depression. It is very important for parents to become good friends with their children so that they can share their feelings freely.

Life cannot always be easy and comforting, not even in childhood. But with affection, love, and support from close ones, children can easily get over depression.

Reach out to your children, notice their behavior, stand in their shoes, be there anytime they need you.

As Pam Leo has rightly said, “Let’s raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhoods”.

Understanding Encopresis And Enuresis – Disorders In Kids

Source: hubpages.com

 

Encopresis and Enuresis are disorders in kids that parents and family should be knowledgeable of in order to deal with them.

 

Encopresis Disorder

Source: healthline.com

 

Encopresis is a disorder that poses repeated feces passage at inappropriate places which include the floor or the clothing of the child. Most of the cases of Encopresis Disorders are involuntary, but there are situations when the act is intentional.

Involuntary Encopresis is usually related to the following:

  • Constipation
  • Retention with Subsequent Overflow
  • Impaction

Due to psychological reasons, constipation may develop in the process. As explained also in Family Hype website, it could be due to the anxiety of having no control to defecate in a particular place or the necessity to follow a pattern of oppositional or anxious behavior. With this anxiety, it forces the person, in the end, to avoid defecating at all.

Some of the physiological predispositions when it comes to constipation are the following:

Complications may even occur once constipation has developed, including:

  • Anal Fissure
  • Painful Defecation
  • Further Fecal Retention

The consistency of the feces may vary from normal to liquid form. Most of the cases for the latter though is a result of overflow incontinence secondary to the fecal retention.

Encropesis disorder cases can occur for at least 3 months. Its chronological age, which is equivalent to the developmental level, can reach up to at least 4 years. This disorder is not related to general medical conditions or as a physiological side effect of substances like laxatives.

For treatment of Encropesis disorder, some experts would encourage appropriate bowel habits. For severe cases though, they may recommend laxatives or stool softeners to cater to constipation.

 

Enuresis Disorder

Source: mhmrcv.org

 

Enuresis disorder is the repeated voiding of urine that can either be involuntary or intentional. The voiding of urine can happen anytime, from the day to night and even when on the bed. The disorder can be manifested by:

  • Twice a week or at least 3 consecutive months of occurrence
  • Clinical distress in professional, academic, or social functions

Its developmental level can take at least 5 years and it may not be exclusively caused by direct physiological effect from a substance or a medical condition.

There are three subtypes of Enuresis Disorder that a child can suffer in, including the following:

Diurnal Only. This specific subtype is when the person voids urine during waking hours.  More common in females compared to males, the Diurnal Enuresis Disorder becomes uncommon after the age of 9 years. The incidences occur more frequently during the early afternoon. It is sometimes caused by the person’s reluctance to use the toilet due to preoccupation with an activity or it can be due to social anxiety.

Nocturnal Only. This is considered to be the most common form of Enuresis Disorder, where kids void urine at night. Incidents usually occur on the first one-third of the night and happen most commonly during the REM or rapid eye movement stage of sleep. In fact, the kid may even recall a dream that includes the act of urinating.

Diurnal and Nocturnal. This is the subtype combination of both the two forms mentioned above.

Treatment for Enuresis Disorder comes in the form of Desmopressin acetate. This therapy is for children and known to lessen the frequency of instances.

You can also resort to Talk Therapy for your child. It is also possible to search for – therapist near me online or this link can answer more queries that you may have – https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/how-do-i-find-a-therapist-near-me/.

 

Understanding Kleptomania

Source: acnr.co.uk

 

Kleptomania is a rare condition where one has the constant urge to take something that is not his. It doesn’t have to be of any value, or he doesn’t even need it. Kleptomaniacs feel satisfaction after a successful theft. This condition has been very controversial and mysterious as people who have kleptomania are living with shame and keep their situation a secret.

Continue reading “Understanding Kleptomania” »

Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome – A painful reality

                                                            

Source:pinterest.com         

Empty Nest Syndrome is the depression aged people go through after their children leave home. Feeling empty, lonely and left out, the ‘second childhood’ (old age) brings in a surge of pain and grief.  BetterHelp’s post talks more about this, and how a professional psychologist can help for those that really struggle with this.

Empty Nest Syndrome is not diagnosed as a depressive disorder, it is rather a phenomenon that old people undergo. There is still less awareness about how we can help parents cope with this.

The challenges of Empty Nest Syndrome

After the child moves out, parents face crucial challenges that become a harsh reality for them to handle.                                                 

Source:pryoritywellness.com

                  

  1. Adjusting themselves with the changing parent-child relationship.
  2. Reverting back to normal life without kids and finding new ways to fill the emptiness they are left with.
  3. Taking care of the household and other work which they often find difficult to do.
  4. Trying to accept the normality of the phenomena is the biggest challenge. All parents know that it is completely normal for the child to move out, yet the pain seems unbearable to them.
  5. For single parents, the situation is even more difficult as they are left to live all alone.

Symptoms

The symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome include

  1. Unbearable sadness and grief when the child leaves home.
  2. Difficulty in carrying out the usual daily life functions.
  3. Reduced appetite and sleep.
  4. Frequent spells of crying and holding back to old memories.
  5. Difficulty maintaining a good relationship with the child after he/she moves out. Parents might blame the child out of distress.

 The Coping Strategies for the sufferers

Source:telegraph.co.uk

 

Coping with the distress of Empty Nest Syndrome is not an easy task after all. The main reason for this is the age group of the sufferers. It cannot be denied that people in old age have less adjustment and acceptance capacities than young people. Hence the sadness seems unbearable for them.

  1. Engage in activities that you like – Doing things that make you happy is always a good way to uplift the mood. Resort to work like gardening, nature walking or cooking to keep yourselves engaged with the things you like to do.
  2. Meet up with old friends – Consider old age as a permanent break from all the duties and responsibilities you have been doing for years. Meet up with old friends, hang out with them and rejuvenate the old memories of life. It brings happiness and fills in the void.
  3. Spend quality time with yourself – Though it seems very difficult to look beyond the grief, try to pamper yourself as much you can. Cook your favorite dish, go out for shopping and redefine your self-worth that got burdened with the years.
  4. Set up frequent meetings with children and their family – Meet up with your kids, go to their homes or invite them to yours. This can create some beautiful memories that would improve the parent-child relation.
  5. Expect less, accept more – Try not to expect anything which can hurt you. People are often less sympathetic towards parents whose children move out as they consider it to be a normal phenomenon that every other parent faces. Expecting to be understood and heard often results in disappointment. Be your own best friend. That is the best way to get over the grief.                                                
Source:ec.europa.eu

 

  1. Reminiscence therapy – This is advised by therapists and is considered an effective way of coping with Empty Nest Syndrome. Parents who live alone can take out some time, maybe once or twice a week, or as frequently as they like, to go through old pictures and remember the happy moments of the past. Recalling the happy times replenishes the pains even if it is for a short while.

To help parents cope with Empty Nest Syndrome, children should accompany them in sailing through the storm without feeling lonely. The solution for this lies as much in the hands of the sufferer as the ones causing it. Not that anybody is to be held responsible, but the more empathetic children would be, the less painful Empty Nest Syndrome would be for parents.