There is no such thing as complete healing when it comes to mental illness, as far as I can say. Based on my experience, the whole truth about psychological recovery is just a statement given by people who think they know the answer to everything. I am not saying that these people are unreliable because I know that they studied and researched these mental health subjects professionally. They know what to call the condition and how to treat it. However, despite their efforts and assistance, I’m afraid I won’t get any better.
What Made Me Say That?
It has been a year and a half since I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. I paved my way to better treatment by engaging in therapy sessions and prescribed medications. I did not waste any time and immediately sought professional help from a therapist. I honestly talked about my issues, and I was more than willing to discuss everything and anything out in the open.
For quite a few first sessions, it was easy, honestly. The therapist wanted to know what I was feeling, what was going on in my mind, and how I thought about the whole process. I responded genuinely that I was always feeling unhappy, unmotivated, and sad. I told my therapist that my mind kept thinking about things I did not want to think about entirely. I told the expert that I believed in the process of the treatment, so I was very confident that soon I would get better.
The whole scenario was about trying my best to get rid of my mental health problem with the help of a licensed professional. It was a relationship bound to grow and become stronger over time.
The Sudden Shift of Development
My therapist was genuinely helpful. She’s the best when it comes to monitoring and guiding me through the process. She’s one call away, and every time I felt so alone and often experienced mental exhaustion, I could always count on her because she would always pick up whenever I called. My therapist would always listen to whatever I said. She was legitimately doing her job more than the way I knew she should.
But then my eagerness to recover all came crashing down when I started worrying about the end of the treatment. I started looking at myself and questioned my progress. I started asking myself why I was not getting any better despite my and the therapist’s efforts. Why am I struggling with depression despite the prescribed medication and weekly therapy sessions? Why am I still in mental agony despite my willingness to change and turn my life around? Why am I still doing the treatment and wasting my time, energy, and money for less assurance?
I knew it was finished when I went through all those negative thoughts. I was supposed to get better with the help of my therapist, but I have decided to go deeper into believing that I will not recover no matter what I do. And because of those unwanted lingering questions I had in my head, I could not continue the psychological healing treatment.
What Went Through
In my case, the whole situation was different. I want to get better. I really do. However, my mind, body, and soul are not cooperating. Everything around me becomes heavier when I reach out for help. My whole mental situation is pushing me to the edge, and that’s not something I want to achieve because I know I have to put up a fight and exert an effort to get better.
Honestly, this article is not about convincing people not to go to therapy. In fact, they should. They must seek professional advice and aim to improve because that’s the only thing they can best offer themselves.
After more than a year of not getting any better and still feeling lonely and hopeless, I finally told myself that I should quit therapy. I thought it would be best for my therapist and me to part ways because I feel guilty for not showing any signs of improvement when all my therapist did was put all the effort into supporting and helping me through the way. It felt as if it was so unfair to continue what we were doing because I had already given up.
As of now, I still take medications. I lay low from distressing things around me. I live according to my means, limit my circle, enjoy spending time alone, and live life the way I can only handle it. I don’t pressure myself to get better, but I accept the truth that I require help. I am mentally unstable, but I am more than willing to try my best not to let this mental condition take over. It is still an uphill battle, but I am giving my all.