When your child is bullied, it can be very stressful on what steps to take to support your child and stop bullying. A bullied child can be miserable and would even insist just to stay home to avoid bullies because of fear of what bullies can do to him. According to Dr. Jenny Holland, PsyD, “Bullying is a behavior pattern that expresses as harming and humiliating others. Bullies typically seek out those who appear to be more vulnerable than themselves.”
It’s human nature to feel everything; our emotions are what makes us feel human. According to Asha Bauer, PsyD, “Similar to other physical sensations in the body, emotions are messengers. They tell us to address something in our lives. In a way, it’s a really good thing we have them – all of them.” We laugh when we feel happy, cry when hurt, shout when angry or irritated. Our emotions can make us sane or drive us stray. There comes a time that we become overwhelmed with life, that we feel everything all at once – that life becomes a burden to live until we lose our purpose in life. However, if we do have a reliable coping mechanism, we can quickly bounce back and start anew. But for some who got stacked at their lowest, depression will start to kick in.
Suffering from a psychological disorder like depression, OCD or dementia could adversely affect your thought processes, preventing you from thinking and reasoning in the same way as a normal and healthy individual. “Research has suggested that processing speed — the ability to take in information quickly and efficiently — is impaired in individuals who are depressed,” explains Natascha Santos, PsyD, a psychologist and behavior therapist in Great Neck, N.Y. If you have panic attacks time and again or you feel unduly anxious, then, you’re most likely to have a distorted view of yourself, your illness, and everything directly or indirectly impinging on your wellbeing. You could also end up making mistakes without even realizing that you’ve done so, which could aggravate your suffering.
Robin Williams. Chester Bennington. Chris Cornell. Kurt Cobain. What do they have in common aside from being a famous Hollywood celebrity? They all committed suicide.
Suicide is a deliberate act of killing oneself. Persons who are suffering from major depression, chronic medical conditions and serious mental illness are prone to suicide. Some experts say that it is an act of expressing an internal conflict related to perceptions of hopelessness and despair while others justify the act as a form of liberation and being free from all the hardships.
“Even though the majority of youth victimized by bullying/cyberbullying do not commit suicide, in many cases bullying increases a young person’s risk of thinking about suicide and making a plan.” says psychologist Margaret R. Paccione, PhD.
Fill Your Life with Hopefulness
“The lonely become either thoughtful or empty.” Mason Cooley
Dealing with the symptoms of cancer or the side effects of the treatment can have an intense impact on both your emotional and physical wellbeing. Trying to deal with the mixture of emotions you are feeling can be exhausting, even more so if you are trying to do it alone. Often, people with cancer choose to hide their feelings of fear and about feeling empty and sad in an attempt to lessen the burden of their disease on their loved ones.
“Hope almost always involves a leap of faith, as we move toward a future that even our best efforts can’t guarantee.” says psychologist Shane J. Lopez Ph.D.
You Are Allowed To Feel Overwhelmed
Being diagnosed is scary. When hearing the word ‘cancer’, feeling overwhelmed, scared or afraid is not uncommon. Being diagnosed can evoke a number of emotions and feelings. There are a number of reasons that can give rise to the emotions, anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness you might be feeling, which can include:
- Fear of the unknown, especially when doctors use medical terms that you don’t understand
- Your routine and what you consider normal is disrupted by treatments and doctors’ appointments
- You feel like life the way you know it has ended
“The urge to know what your life is all about and to know your life’s direction leaves you feeling uncertain about the future and discontent with the present.” says Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.
There are a number of ways you can change the feeling of being out of control. Start with the most important – find out everything you can about your cancer. Do not be afraid to ask the doctors and nurses questions or speak to a social worker. Seek out the support of other cancer survivors. Seek out help from a therapist. It helps to voice your emotions and learn ways to cope with them. Regardless of what you decide, it is important that you do what’s right for you. Most importantly, remember that you do not have to do this alone.
Hold on to Hope
It is important that you always remember to hold on to hope. Having a hopeful outlook and holding on to a positive attitude will support your healing. “Acceptance is the foundation of holding space and hope, because space and hope must be grounded in what is and not on what should be or could be.” According to Dr. Ili Rivera Walter, PhD, LMFT. Find the positive. Read books by survivors and take hope and encouragement from their experiences. Speak to other cancer patients. Ask questions and voice your own fears. Knowing that you are not alone in this can make a big difference. There are a number of ways to deal with the emotions or feelings of hopefulness you might be feeling. These can include:
- Speak to others and express your feelings.
- Be positive, do not think of the worst. Focus on your wellness and getting healthy.
- Find ways to relax. Look into meditation or relaxation exercises.
- Try to stay as active as possible. Get out of the house and focus on other things.
- Find ways to occupy your mind. Look into hobbies such as photography or creative art.
- Focus on the things that you can control.
- Be involved in your treatment and health care. Ask questions and speak to others about dealing with the side effects and symptoms.
You Are Only Human
“Dealing with it is the operative word. I found myself at seven years not battling it. Not struggling with it. Not suffering from it. Not breaking under the burden of it, but dealing with it.” Michael J. Fox
There is always hope. You are allowed to be afraid. You are allowed to feel emotions. What you are not allowed to do is lose hope. Find ways to take control of your life. Seek out support. Find what works for you and meets your needs. Take time to understand. Research your cancer, speak to your health care providers and ask questions. Speak to other cancer patients and survivors. It helps to know that you are not alone in what you are going through.
When You Think No One Cares
The process that follows being diagnosed with cancer can be a very emotionally draining one. It is not uncommon that during and after treatment, people may find themselves overcome with a variety of overwhelming emotions. They are filled with loneliness and feel that no one cares. Being afraid is also not an uncommon emotion during a life-changing phenomenon such as cancer.
Many cancer patients also think that others such as family members have no idea how they feel or are in no position to give advice because it is not them that have cancer. The truth of the matter is that a cancer diagnosis also affects loved ones, family members, and friends. The fear, anxiety, and dread are emotions that loved ones and friends have in common with the patient. The fear of the unknown can be a very powerful thing. So simply put, you need to remember, you are not alone!
How Cancer Affects Families
“Relational dynamics are part of the family system, which often includes old baggage and unfinished business such as wounds or secrets from the past,” says Dr. Kerin Groves, PhD., LPC “It is imperative that therapists ask each [person] about that individual relationship.” she added.
Why You Are Feeling Lonely
Feeling alone or that no one cares is not an uncommon emotion for people with cancer. Relationships can seem different and even distant for various reasons, which include:
- People close to the patient sometimes have difficulty dealing with cancer and may avoid having to face their emotions.
- It is also possible that with the treatment, you might not be feeling well enough to participate in the hobbies, social activities, etc as you previously had done. This generally also means that your contact with the outside world is less active than before.
- Sometimes, even if you are around people that are close to you, you can still feel alone. This is more so the case when people are unsure how to speak to you or know what topics are safe to talk about.
- Sometimes, other people may want to help and be there for you but do not know-how.
Annually, 12.7 million people discover they have cancer. There are millions of people around the world that share the same fears and anxieties. Finding support is a healthy way to deal with what you might be feeling. Communicating with others might not be easy, which is why more recently, online forums and communities have become more popular. These forums offer you a number of support options. These include:
- Group Discussions/Chat Rooms
- Support Buddies for one-on-one support
Talking can be easier when it is with people you can relate to. Not only does it enable you to speak out about your own emotions but it will also help you manage the challenges cancer may bring. “Social connection improves health, well-being, and longevity.” says psychologist Emma Seppala, Ph.D
The Benefits of Connecting With People You Can Relate To
Cancer patients and survivors have invaluable information to share. Talking with others about the experiences, emotions, and challenges that they faced can help you better deal with what you are going through. By talking to others that have endured the same challenges and emotions when dealing with cancer, you can:
- Gain more insight and information about your specific cancer and the treatment side effects
- Have someone that will listen and offer encouragement
- Help you solve problems and offer advice on how to deal with the challenges and emotions you might be feeling
- Be inspired
- Deal with the fears and anxieties you might have about the future
“Having a positive peer group provides individuals with a balanced perspective by serving as a sounding board. It can become very easy to become isolated with one’s own thoughts and feelings and connecting with others can offer objective feedback and support.” as explained by Dr. Dana Avey, LMFT.
There are a number of discussion groups and forums that are mediated by medical staff who volunteer their time to manage the online forums and communities. There are also a few social media groups and pages that offer inspiration, Q & A sessions with professional medical staff and up to date news on research and advocacy. It helps to stay connected, even if only in a small way, it keeps you connected with reality.
Life Events Impact Your Mental Health
Some cases of depression are often triggered by a traumatic event. Being diagnosed with cancer can affect your emotional health. Feelings of depression, fear and anxiety are very common and normal responses to this life-changing news. Often, people with depression after getting the news of a cancer diagnosis will pretend everything is okay so as to not feel that they would further burden family members.
“The nightmares or recollections may come and go, and a person may be free of them for weeks at a time, and then experience them daily for no particular reason.” John M. Grohol, Psy.D. said.
It is important that you deal with your feelings and you should consider seeking out help from a number of online resources such as online Depression Chat Rooms. It’s impossible to predict how you will react or feel about being diagnosed with cancer. You could experience a number of feelings and emotions such as:
- Shock and disbelief
- Guilt and blame
- Sorrow and sadness
- Fear and uncertainty
Are you feeling depressed?
Depression is a medical illness that negatively affects your emotional well-being and impacts your ability to function in your daily life. Depression also not only affects those who have it but also those around depressed individuals. The symptoms of depression will vary between people. You may experience a few or all of the symptoms. These symptoms can also present between mild and severe levels and can include:
- Feeling sad
- Feelings of hopelessness, restlessness, anxiety and low self-esteem
- Loss of interest in the activities you used to once enjoy
- Changes in appetite
- Weight loss or gain
- Feeling worthless or guilty
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Give Depression Chat Rooms a Try
Speaking to someone about your thoughts and feelings is a good start. You can try talking with people close to you, doctors or even therapists. Always remember depression is treatable.
There are a number of different forms of therapy and supports resources you can use. Seeking out support and getting help can sometimes feel very challenging. We often fear that people may judge us or feel afraid about burdening other people with your problems.
Most often we fear people would see us as weak so we pretend everything is okay. One of the support resources people with depression can use is stranger chat, where you can freely and without prejudice seek support and advice.
“Some people, particularly men, are more likely to externalize their depression.” says Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD.
Take Advice to Heart
“A cancer diagnosis strikes at the core of our being. We may feel that life as we have known it is over and we face a dark and painful journey into the unknown with no light at the end of the tunnel.” The Upside of Cancer: How a Terrifying Illness Can Lead You to a New Life by Christopher Foster
Being diagnosed with cancer is not the end. It is okay to go through the emotions, it is alright to feel afraid and you are allowed to ask for help. You do not have to deal with this alone. Find the support platform that works for you and start your journey toward healing your mind. Ask for advice, voice your emotions and feelings and take from that what works for you.
Sometimes, voicing your emotions out loud can be distressing. “When people come to us with a problem, it is almost instinctual to attempt to solve it. This is due to us wanting to help as well as our desire to solve problems.” says Jennifer Artesani Blanks, M.Ed., LMHC. Often people find it difficult to speak about how they feel. This is where Depression Chat Rooms are most helpful. Putting your feelings and emotions into written words could be easier for you. Speaking to others with depression also helps in understanding that what you feel is not uncommon or a sign of weakness. There are millions of people across the globe that share similar emotions, symptoms and even anxiety and fear about being diagnosed with cancer. You are not alone and all that is needed is for you to reach out.
Children with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) often disregard and violate the rights of other children around them. As observed, they can be charming and fun to be around at times, but they usually exploit others and break the conventional rules for their own needs or wants. ASPD makes them act destructively without feeling guilty about their actions that can hurt other people. The disorder usually starts in childhood or adolescence and continue into adulthood. Continue reading “Dealing With Antisocial Personality Disorder Child”
A person who bullies is a typical type of person who has low self-esteem and uses a defense mechanism of projection. In psychology, it refers to a kind of behavior wherein negative feelings are thrown or displaced on a less threatening object or person. Usually, the person has a little understanding of oneself and inability to communicate. They tend to cover up their weaknesses by putting up a “cool guy kick-ass” type of attitude that usually deviates from the usual norms of society. “No one consciously chooses or enjoys being a victim. But we can claim our power.” says Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT.
Despite our prejudice we have on bullieS, we should also take note that they are emotionally unstable. This may sound indifferent to some; nonetheless, there is a need to change our dealings with bullies. A lot of times, we find it hard to deal with them because we only focus on their rude behaviors and the victims that they bully. “Bullies often target individuals who are perceived to be “different” in race, national origin, color, religion, appearance or gender expression.” says Rosalind S. Dorlen, PsyD. Continue reading “How To Help Bullies Through School Counseling”
I should love myself. “It isn’t hard to love ourselves, or anyone else, when things are going well,” says Washington, DC-based licensed psychologist Alicia Clark. “What’s a much taller order is to love ourselves when things aren’t going well, and when we need love most.”
That was the first thing that came to my mind when I was having second thoughts of whether I should split with my then-boyfriend or not.
We started as high school sweethearts. His family knew who I was, and so did my parents. They approved of the relationship, even though we got together at quite a young age.
We stayed as a couple even when we entered university. I wanted to go to California back then because I aspired to become an actress. However, my boyfriend got a scholarship in New York, and I did not want a long-distance relationship, so I applied to the same university he went to.
Things were fabulous at first; it was like we were still in high school. My man would pick me up after my classes and then we would dine out or roam around the city until we feel tired. The setup went on until graduation day came, and a company offered him a job near our hometown.
Don’t get me wrong; I am proud of where I came from. At the same time, however, my dream to become an actress was still there. I could not move back there with him, knowing that I could fulfill my wishes in the big city and not live a life that’s full of regrets. So, I made the biggest decision: I chose career over love.
Isn’t That Too Selfish Of You?
Everyone has a different way of describing selfishness. According to Donna Rockwell, PsyD, “Where Western society and mass media over the years have portrayed self-love and self-care as selfishness and self-indulgence, humanistic psychology and mindfulness interventions promoted in Eastern cultures instead encourage self-care, framing it as self-nourishment, where at the end of the day, we have more “good stuff” left over to give others, rather than less.”For some people, what I did was the embodiment of that. In my opinion, though, being selfish means leaving your better half after a crippling accident or entering a new relationship with someone else without ending your current one. That’s not what happened here.
I decided to go after my lifelong dream instead of settling down with my high school sweetheart, yes. But it was not because I did not think that he could give me a good life or because I felt no love for him anymore. The reason was that I wanted to be able to pursue my passion. I have so many talents to show to the world; I don’t mind going to as many auditions as I can find. I cannot do that if I return to our small town right after getting my college diploma.
Besides, I thought, “If my boyfriend could follow his dreams, why shouldn’t I do the same thing?” A good portion of my life was devoted to this man. I don’t regret that, but I think it’s time to prioritize myself this time.
Am I ambitious? Yes. Am I selfish? I don’t believe that I am. As Nassir Ghaemi, a Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University, states, “This healthy ambition, we might say, is needed in young and able persons; more of us achieve less because we fail to try than fail to achieve because we try too hard.”
It just so happens that I know what I want and what’s right for myself. Life would have been easy if I moved back home with my man. I would probably be a housewife now, taking care of our cute little kids. However, now is not the time to choose love when there’s a lot of things I can do to improve myself out there.
I know it sounds crazy, but you should be brave enough to admit to yourself if you want to prioritize career over love as well.